You Win, or You Learn

By Joe Marzo

The Lesson

Life doesn’t divide into wins and losses — it divides into wins and lessons. When things go right, you celebrate. When they don’t, you walk away with knowledge that shapes you for the next time. Either way, you gain something.

This idea was captured perfectly in a quote often attributed to Nelson Mandela: “I never lose. I either win or learn.” Losses are not a permanent defeat; they are opportunities to learn, adapt, and grow.

Viewing life this way changes everything. Losing no longer feels final, and mistakes no longer feel wasted. Every setback becomes part of the process of growth. The people who get stuck are usually the ones who confuse failing with being a failure. They aren’t the same.

My Story

Being a head coach is a difficult role. The successes and failures of the team are always reflected back on you. At the same time, the team becomes a mirror of your dedication and your ability to lead. Your team will reflect your bad habits.

Coaching ladies takes a different style of coaching than that of high school boys. It The change me a better coach 

When we started, everyone was brand new. Wrestling is a tough sport, and it’s easy for beginners to get discouraged. That’s why I make sure they understand the mistakes they made and why they may have failed. Winning is fun — and let’s be honest, it’s a big reason we compete. But the truth is, many of the most valuable lessons are taught in the matches we lose.

Losses expose your weaknesses. They show you exactly what you need to work on. They strip away illusions and force you to improve. I’ve seen my wrestlers grow more from defeats than from easy victories, because those moments teach humility, resilience, and focus.

One of the clearest examples was a wrestler who went from a 5–21 record his first season. He returned the follwoing year and would become a state qualifier with more than 40 wins. What changed? He became one of the best at learning from his failures. He dissected every loss, treated each one as a lesson, and turned them into building blocks. That commitment didn’t just make him a better wrestler — it made him a better leader.

Coaching has only reinforced a truth I’ve lived in my own life: failure is life’s greatest teacher.

Closing Quote

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” 

                                           — Confucius

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” 

                                        — Winston Churchill

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” 

                                         — Michael Jordan